Category: Quotes »

Comedian Quotes about Presidential Candidate Al Sharpton

“The Reverend Al Sharpton attacked President Bush, saying he ruined the economy. For instance, Sharpton hasn’t been able to find a job in over 46 years.” —Craig Kilborn

“Today’s Washington Post says that of the nine Democratic presidential candidates, Wesley Clark has the most presidential hairstyle. Not only that but the Post said that Al Sharpton had the best hairstyle of a first lady.” —Conan O’Brien

Poor Al Sharpton, he only got 345 votes total in the New Hampshire primary. Here’s a tip Al, when you’re driving around the small white, conservative states, turn down the bass.” —Bill Maher

“Last night during a Democratic presidential debate, candidates John Kerry, John Edwards and Howard Dean all admitted they had smoked marijuana and Al Sharpton admitted that his barber smokes marijuana.” —Conan O’Brien

Al Sharpton said the Democratic Party has to stop treating blacks as their mistresses. Sharpton then explained a mistress is where they take you out to have fun, but they don’t take you home. Was that really necessary to explain what a mistress is to Democrats?” —Jay Leno

“Over the weekend, Al Sharpton hosted Saturday Night Live on NBC for an hour-and-a-half — the longest job he has ever had.” —Craig Kilborn

“According to a poll on Playboy.com, 46 percent of men surveyed think Al Sharpton is the most well-endowed candidate, while 24 percent feel John Edwards is. Let me tell you something right here, if you’re a guy and you’re on the Playboy website and all you’re thinking about is how well endowed the candidates are, you’re on the wrong website.” —Jay Leno

“Democratic presidential candidate Wesley Clark has started giving out Clark bars at his rallies as souvenirs. Not to be outdone, candidate Al Sharpton continues to eat, and be, Nutrageous.” —Tina Fey, Saturday Night Live’s “Weekend Update”

Funny Quotes by Al Sharpton

“I want to welcome him to our list of candidates. And don’t be defensive about just joining the party. It’s better to be a new Democrat that’s a real Democrat than a lot of old Democrats up here that have been acting like Republicans all along.” -welcoming Gen. Wesley Clark to the Democratic presidential race

“It is true that Mr. Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, after which there was a commitment to give 40 acres and a mule. That’s where the argument, to this day, of reparations starts. We never got the 40 acres… We went all the way to Herbert Hoover, and we never got the 40 acres. We didn’t get the mule. So we decided we’d ride this donkey as far as it would take us.” -speaking at the Democratic Convention

“I can become President because I never had a stunt man do my dirty work.” -after Arnold Schwarzenegger was elected governor of California

“That’s like saying, ‘I’m honest but I ain’t never been around no money.’” -after Howard Dean said he’s not a racist but had never lived in a racially diverse community

“If I were president, I would go in and say, ‘We were wrong.’ Tony Blair and George Bush had a meeting, acted as though it was a world summit. Two guys in a phone booth acted like the whole world had met.”

“Mr. Bush will not be, in a Sharpton administration, the head of missing persons. He can’t find bin Laden. We don’t know if Hussein is living or dead, and we can’t find the weapons of mass destruction.”

“George Bush giving tax cuts is like Jim Jones giving Kool-Aid. It tastes good but it’ll kill you.”

“I wanted to say to Governor Dean, don’t be hard on yourself about hooting and hollering. If I had spent the money you did and got 18 percent, I’d still be in Iowa hooting and hollering.”

“We have defeated Jim Crow, but now we have to deal with his son, James Crow Jr., esquire.”

“I suggest to you tonight that if George Bush had selected the court in ’54, Clarence Thomas would have never got to law school.”

“I understand deficit spending. I was born in deficit spending.”